The Edge

The Edge

I am feeling around in the dark.

The fog is thick and the air is as heavy as the insides of my heart.

I am trying to stabilize my shaky hands and steady my wobbly legs.

My hands are out in front of me grasping for anything steady to grab onto, to lean into, to center myself. Silly girl, still searching after all these months for the stabilizing force that remains hidden from even you. As if the outside world can help steady the inside turmoil that is ripping at your core.

What patterns did I not see until it was too late?

What didn’t I do or try that would have made this abyss dissolve?

As if the constant chatter in my mind to solve the puzzle that has become my life will somehow provide relief.

I continue to reach around, grasp really, at anything that is out in this endless void.

Once again, I am alone in the dark, calling out to anyone who once loved me, for eyes to see or a heart that beats.

The sun is trying to penetrate the fog but even the sun can’t break through this wall.

My feet move me forward, a slow march towards an edge I did not invite nor do I want to visit.

The canyon of my mind is worse than any edge that is lives in reality.

I take a deep breath and step out again, screaming a primal scream of pain and agony.