That time I got lost in the dark

A few years back, I went to a small retreat center in Oregon to find something. I just knew that if I spent another $1500 on a leadership retreat, my habitual patterns would be revealed and I would release my ego and unleash my leadership genie.

The group was great, the facilitator was awesome, but I was eh. I couldn't cultivate THE VIBE. During each meditation, I would sneak glances around the room as everyone sat in silence with a Buddha-like smile on their face. I usually love to move my body and to meditate but every dance party felt painful and every time our instructor said we were moving into an hour meditation I felt myself deflate. I tried to shame myself into being present- didn't work. I tried to steal inspiration from my neighbors with the Buddha-like smiles, no go. I tried to bring down my best friend with me, also not a good idea. Apparently, I was destined to suffer alone and find my own way out. Could this be my leadership lesson?

I asked one of the participants after the day's activities if she wanted to go on a hike with me. My idea was to go explore the rolling hills of Oregon before it got too dark to see. She agreed and off we went. We walked, we talked, and we had a beautiful late afternoon with sun and gorgeous trees and hills. As we climbed higher and higher in the hills I felt myself start to relax. I found myself being silly, laughing, and losing myself in the moment. The meditation I was looking for had arrived in the package of this hike.

As we got high in the hills, we came out of our giggly conversation to realize the sun was setting and it was time to turn back so we would be home before dark. We started down the hill until we got to a fork in the road. My friend was SURE the way was down one road when my instincts told me it was the other. She seemed so confident and my doubts started to grow as those who know me are aware of my deficiencies when it comes to directions in any life situation. Amy, don't second guess her because she is from Colorado and knows this shit.

As we went further down the path my friend suggested it became clear that we were going in the wrong direction. We just had one tiny problem, now it was getting VERY dark. Not the dark I am used to outside San Fransico. This is Oregon, backwoods dark. The kind of dark that makes it hard to see where you are stepping and to see your hand in front of your face. I felt myself get just a little bit scared. I should have appreciated those bull shit meditations when I had the chance.

We nervously laughed and locked arms, knowing that surely one of our fellow leadership gurus would send out a search. There is no way they won't miss us and everyone knows that we certainly would not be out in the dark unless something was really wrong. The thought seemed to comfort us as we continued to try and search in the dark for the right path to lead us home.

At some point, it became clear that we needed help. We made our way to a road that was empty and had no cars. We silently wished for any car to come down that road as we had no phone, no water, and no idea where we were at this point. My Dad was in my ear now asking why I had not prepared as he taught me when going out into the woods alone, near dark. DAD, I fucked up! I forgot my training. I knew the right road and doubted myself. I didn't bring back up supplies nor a backpack. I didn't tell anyone where I was going before I left. Dad, why can't you just show up and tell me this was going to be fine?

Finally, we saw headlights coming down the hill and we jumped in the middle of the street waving our arms as our lives depended on it. We spent quite a while convincing a family we needed a ride to our "leadership workshop". They made it clear they were just here to fish and weren't sure helping two lost ladies and letting them in the car with their son was a good idea. I wondering if they really just didn't want us in their car as the entire back seat was full of trash which made it hard for us and the little boy to all fit. Somehow we managed our way in and we thanked them over and over again as they drove us "home".

As I saw the lights from our cabins, I couldn't wait to run in and tell them we were ok. Certainly, they would be worried and we would tell them our amazing tale of getting lost and finding our way home. We busted in through the front door to see that dinner was served, coffee was being enjoyed and not one person noticed we even entered the room.

Sometimes you have to get lost to remember your most basic leadership lessons: adventures are always more fun when they have a challenge, always be prepared, and remember that no one is going to save you but you!